So, this is my first night. My first post.
I started watching Eat, Pray, Love tonight. Only because I didn’t want to watch tv with my family. I needed some time away. As I was listening, I felt a kinship to where the character was in the beginning of the film. Luckily, not a failed marriage and fling, but unfortunately, a failed life. Well, decade or decade and a half.
I’ve been dealing with chronic pain for the past 15 or so years. At first it was episodic but as I lost my way, it became chronic, daily and it became torturous for me and everyone around me, friend and foe. But now, I have some time for myself, some time with myself, and some time to reclaim life.
A phrase during the movie hit me, “Ruin is the way to transformation” and like picking a tarot card out of a pile, I knew what I needed to do. So here I am. Please know, there will not be perfect grammar, perfect ideas, perfect posts. They might not be pleasant, but I hope they are honest. I’m not here as a professional, a student, an angel, or anything more than a person whose searching and experiencing a lot of pain. I’m searching for healing, not curing, but healing. And if you’re not sure what the difference is, maybe you’ll want to join me and explore it with me.
I am grateful to people who I have met along the way. I have a few friends that have been family to me and I love them with all my heart. I also love my close family and am grateful to them. I am so filled with love for the various mentors and teachers I have had throughout my life and I am so bereft of their continued support. I hope that in working on this blog, I can reconnect with the gifts their lives have brought me.
The photo above was from a drive during a freaky storm I experienced a little bit ago. I was chasing the storm or being chased by the storm; I know longer remember. But I felt it was a good depiction of what life has been like for quite awhile now.
I am searching for a better way. An old way, a new way, but a way of being that brings me into the present moment and into peace.
Please join me while I wander through the ruins and seek out that invincible spark that is always seeking wholeness.