I wonder if there is a fundamental self-aggression in humans or is it fostered over time? January is a particularly distasteful month for all of our self-annihilation, believing we aren’t healthy enough, not thin enough, too stressed, etc. But what if we have just been fed a line to make us want, to make us search? What if we have been trained to not be satisfied with what is going on here and now? People can’t sell us books, potions, or other snake oil charms if we are satisfied.

I’m reading a book on meditation, The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron and have all kinds of things going through my head tonight. It’s part of what happens when you live with chronic pain and meds make you so tired that your days and nights get swapped. It’s quiet now so it’s hardly a bad thing. I can actually hear the questions I ask myself.

As children do we think we are less than or not good enough or do people tell us that? What makes us believe them? Why do we think anyone else could know how to be us any better?

Meditation seems to be about sitting and accepting what is, in any given moment. So I wonder if this is one of the reasons so many people run from the zafu? Where I spent all my time before I saw a lot of people running around trying to be busy and it seemed like those people were the ones who took things or used things to hide from what was going on, like they used their busy-ness to hide. I wonder if it was this primordial dissatisfaction with ourselves and our world that made them run and run? And is it really any better to sit and sit?


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