Independence Day

I have started to feel the effects of “industrialized nations” that have as a main asset, not the person but computers and technology — swift and fold.  We are no longer knows as Jim or Janet but a nine digit number.  The hearts of office workers are as cold and sterile as the offices where they work.

What dis-ease!  Everyone is a cheap imitation of the next pseudo-fashion statement “dreamt” but stolen from “fashion magazines”.

Is it all really necessary?  People push buttons, write down numbers, make phone calls, but it all seems so meaningless.  Life would still go on without insurance, without sports, magazines, and without real estate.  But how?

People need water, food, shelter, and love.  Ahh, the one necessity we (almost all) cannot seem to find — no matter how long we travel, no matter what we learn.

Yes, the rest is nice, but what happens to people when things fall. . . stock markets, bankrupt companies, cities, or corrupt governments?

3 July 1991

completed 23 April 1994

 

 

Poetry

Should poetry be iambic pentameter?

Verse or prose?

Should each thought end in a couplet?

Does poetry need to rhyme?

Or flow with great ease?

Should it not be how one feels?

Could this not be true?

 

Some have written of friendships lost.

Others write of wars and death.

Poets of the past have written

Of great tragedy.

Shakespeare wrote of kinds and wood nymphs.

Wordsworth of his loved Lucy

And Frost of the snowy woods.

I write of the feelings that I cannot express.

 

Life’s struggle is an interior one

but it must be expressed.

Love, death, courage, fear, hope?

Which ever if felt?

Why do I only feel loneliness?

 

What is poetry then?

Style and words?

Grammar and syntax?

Joy and sorrow?

Collective or subjective?

 

Lines written before 1991

 

 

Is This What the World Has Become?

As I lay on the floor in my room

I try to write

but it does not come easily.

I have so many thoughts

Circling through my mind.

None of them are connected

But all of them as important as the

One before and

The one that follows.

 

While we drove home,

The images seemed so real.

Everything was important. . .

The liter in the gutters.

The inpatient drivers.

The drug rehab signs next to the highway.

The condemned buildings still standing

As solitary figures on State Street.

Is this what the world has become?

 

The famous and the rich buy

Summer homes only 20 minutes from here,

“The Real World”

As they go to drink and drive through

local beaches and dunes.

Do they not see what I see?

Or is it that society only make me cry?

 

Sitting at the table, I watched

the people as they listen to the band.

It was so loud, we finally had to sit in silence.

People were obsessed with music and beer.

Is this what people live for?

Is this what is so important?

The reason why we are all born?

Do people listen to life at all?

Is this all that life is?

 

As I lay on the floor in my rom,

All the images come back to me,

The hurt.

The pain.

The disappointment.

The fear of what is to come.

 

Lines written before 1991

 

 

 

It’s Somewhere Between

It’s hours before dawn that seem
to bring about the most
profound moments.

Some would say that by dawn’s light
there is clarity but
I have never found that true.

Some would say that by the strike
of midnight magic happens but
there seems to still be too much noise.

But it’s in the hours after
when the world is all at rest
and the energy lays bare that the world is right.

 

1/17/18

Creating a Compassion Society Out of Suffering

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Thich Nhat Hanh opens his book No Mud, No Lotus with these words:  “In fact, the art of happiness is also the art of suffering well.  When we learn to acknowledge, embrace, and understand our suffering, we suffer much less.  Not only that, but we’re also able to go further into understanding, compassion, and joy for ourselves and for others.”

If you live with pain or disease Thich Nhat Hanh’s words are the cliff notes version to what you might learn in pain management or MBSR or CBT or even DBT.  Life is going to happen and suffering is your choice.  In the midst of chronic daily pain or especially in the midst of acute pain, I would want to punch someone for telling me that.  I wouldn’t do it but anger might take over how colored my view might be at the moment.  I remember saying to someone, in a very hateful manner, “meditation, that $%^ doesn’t work.”  And it wasn’t true.  It was just I was so deeply frustrated, anxious, in pain, and fearful that I wasn’t even treading water anymore.  I was drowning and it didn’t seem to matter to anyone.

The one thing that I have learned in the past six months is that we ask way to much of people who are ill and struggling.  What do I mean?  I think back to living on my own for my job and having no one around to stop at the grocery store because I was dehydrated or picking up a prescription that a doctor called in after hours of waiting and being in pain for days.  I remember sleepless nights because I was afraid I would not wake up for work the next morning, having no sick days and working in an unkind environment that had no flexibility for problems like that.  I would get so anxious, I would have 6 alarms set so that I would finally crawl out of bed.

And what about med changes?  I worked and got a higher degree and completed half of a second degree while living with chronic daily pain and the subsequent med changes.  Has a doctor ever had to get to work on time or “played well with others” after being put on 5 different meds or even adding one or two meds or taking one away?  Sometimes, you aren’t sure if the meds, the side effects, or the illness will kill you first?  Please hear me, I’m not saying that doctors are wrong in what they do.  I’m just not sure they maintain their compassion while doing it.  How can they?  A patient is going to scream out in pain when you reset their leg, but you still have to do it.  You end with a bit of a callous on your soul, in order to save your soul.

And all the things that people have suggested, (similar to things I will say in this blog), are tough to do when you are wondering how you are going to pay a bill, or what you can eat that won’t make you throw up, or losing a document at work, or feeling utterly alone in your misery.  They are tough to do when you don’t even have your basic needs met (Think Maslow).

Nhat Hanh says, “If, however, we are preoccupied with the fear and despair in us, we can’t help remove the suffering of others.  There is an art to suffering well.”  And that is what I am trying to learn how to do.  I have a disease that causes me to be in pain; that won’t change but I can live a lot better with it than I had been.

But all that worry and day to day stuff, my friends, all of that is suffering.  Well, they are all hassles and my interactions with those hassles (the fear, anxiety, fretting, etc) was suffering.  And much of it needless but given our society today, it is very much a real concern for so many people.  Why is it so tough for so many people to get disability?  Why do sick people have to fight with insurance companies?  Why do we have to move away from our communities and our families, are safety nets for things like work?  I am thinking back to another time, decades ago, when people who were ill were at home, when family and a community took care of people rather marginalized them?

I think back to when I grew up.  We lived in the same house as my land lady and when she was diagnosed with cancer and my family took care of it.  It was a labor of love because that’s what you do for others.  We helped with getting groceries, giving medication, feeding her, changing her, etc.  Her kids came to visit but they lived 45 minutes away and we were right there.  There were two adults and a high school senior (my sibling) and they took turns.

But in today’s world with living so far from work or not knowing neighbors or grocery stores in the suburbs and rural areas are so far.  And people have so many more medical appointments.  Why do we not have a national system for this?  You want to help put people to work?  You want to take people’s social security away?  You want people to work until they are 76?  Why not pay retired people to help their parents or church members or neighbors?  Why not employ a stay at home mom to check in on a neighbor and make sure they are taking their pills?  Or pay their gas milage to pick up a few groceries?  Why don’t we think about those who are not active, producing, and healthy?

Thich Nhat Hanh, (or Thay, as his followers call him affectionately – Thay is Vietnamese for teacher) says in No Mud, No Lotus, “The hardest thing to practice is not allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by despair.  When you’re overwhelmed by despair, all you see is suffering everywhere you look.  You feel as if the worst thing is happening to you.” Can you imagine having some of the pressure taken off, not worrying about how you are going to get to an appointment in the snow or how you are going to drag yourself to the store while you’ve been vomiting all day?  Imagine what it might be like to have someone stop by and make sure you had a pitcher of water by your bed and to let you know that you are not alone.

Think about it.  You might not be able to sit in an office all day if you are ill or maybe you are retired and don’t want to work all day.    You might not be able to go to work every day but what if we took the concept of care teams, like AIDS patients did back in the 80s and applied it more globally?  Now, back then, it was friends of the AIDS patient, often times because family had abandoned the patient.  But what if we had local hubs where a retired person could work once a week, similar to a hospice volunteer.  They could stop by and make a pot of soup or a paraprofessional could make phone calls to an insurance company for a patient.  We need to wake up and think about the elderly baby boomers who set trends, changed the world (for better and worse) and think about our new world.  We don’t manufacture anymore, let’s face it.  And I don’t care if you were a coal miner, a returned vet, or a young person, you could play a part.  We could help to end some basic suffering in the world.

The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism state, “There is suffering, there is a course of action that generates suffering; suffering ceases; and there is a course of action leading to the cessation of suffering” (From No Mud, No Lotus).  There is a lot of pain and heartache out there in the world.  We have to look creatively at how to solve today’s problems.  One idea is to come together as a community again.  And let’s face it, until our country moves to something like a few countries have just moved to where all citizens are given a stipend to live alleviate basic needs, we have to think of merging old worlds and new worlds.  We can be there for each other, even make some money doing it, and help raise each other out of suffering and aloneness.

So, tonight, I ask you these things:

  • If you didn’t have to worry about a pay check, what would you honestly be willing to do?
    • Would you visit a neighbor?  Make a pot of soup?
    • Would you take a community member to the doctors or stop by and pick up some cans of soup for an elderly person?
  • Why can’t we help people rather than marginalize them?  Why can’t we move to a society that is more inclusive, where people don’t have cracks to fall through?  What if we made a few extra pb & j sandwiches for the kids who stand outside our door waiting for the bus?
  • How do we move from our pain and more importantly our suffering to help others?
  • How do we foster a sense of belonging in those who have been told don’t matter?

 

May all beings be at ease and know an end to their suffering.

May all beings feel whole and know they are cared for.

May all beings be given the time and space to heal as thoroughly as they need.

May you be safe and at peace.

 

 

 

 

Let Today Be the Day

Let today be the day
that everything turns around.

Let today be the day
that love prevails despite hate.

Let today be the day
that we breathe deeply instead of sigh.

For it starts with today
and goes on un-ending
on the wheel that
has turned forever
in all the realms.

Let today be the day
that we say our strongest words.

Let today be the day
that we fight our toughest battles.

Let today be the day
that, like no other, we love like it’s the end.

For it starts with today
through the spark in our
minds and a hope
for changes to come
for each of us.

Let today be the day
that we hold back no more.

Let today be the day
that we set the world aflame.

Let today be the day
that we mean what we say.

For it starts with today
and hopefully
doesn’t end
believing we can change
all the wrongs that continue into today.

1/17/18

The Message

I, the Empress,

Put forth decries so that

Others know how to

Behave in this

Society grasping with

Being so very unenlightened.

 

As I woke this morning

I sprang forth to start

The day,

Eager to rule wisely,

Justly,

Compassionately

Despite how other rulers

May comport themselves

In these trying times.

 

I made my way to the window,

To get my first glimpse

Of this miraculous land

Before starting the day’s work

Of performing rites

And making sure

Justice prevailed.

 

As I pulled back the curtain,

Before I could even be struck by

The awe that the dawn brings with it,

I found that a messenger was

Upon my private balcony.

 

“What business do you have here Crone?”

I asked this majestic creature,

Sitting silent and sturdy,

Basking in the first rays of light.

 

There were no immediate words

From this being.

A pregnant pause

That seemed to last unending

Was broken with a twitch

Of her tail and prick of her ears.

 

The Wise hare

Whispered her message

Before scurrying off into

The brush and bushes.

 

Why would the Great Mother

Not call for me

Or deliver her communique

Directly I asked myself

As I slipped on my

Dark cloak.

 

I picked up my quill to leave

A message for those who might

Attempt to call me back

While I am situated on

My cushion to contemplate

The fate of this world.

 

“Let me be

Between the worlds

And do not break my fast.

The destiny of Being-kind

May well rest in the silence I seek”.

1/17/18

New Practice for Healing

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So in the past, I have informally used a mala (prayer beads similar to a Catholic Rosary) and would use it to count my breaths.  It has 108 beads and you use it to keep track of how many breaths you are counting.  I’ve also used mantras like Om Mani Padme Hum (the Great Mantra of Compassion) that is well-known.  I’ve also used it to keep myself on track when using gathas by Thich Nhat Hanh — see my article.

But as I was watching a movie today, I was inspired to find a mantra for healing.  The movie had nothing to do with spiritual growth or healing but there was a word that made me think it would be good to use for a mantra.

So, I did a little research to decide what I was going to start with.  I decided I’d look around for the next week unless something comes to me before that.  By then or sooner, I will start my day and end my day with a mantra.

Om Mani Padme Hum means “The jewel of Consciousness has reached the heart’s lotus” according to Thomas Ashley-Farrand.  This is the most chanted mantra in the world.  Well, things like OM, AUM, etc are probably used more often because they are powerful seeds but the great compassion mantra is a very popular mantra used in yoga, meditation, chanting, etc.  It is suggested to use this mantra when you want to united body and mind.

Om Shri Dhanvantre Namaha is at the top of my list.  It means, “Om and salutations to the Celestial Healer” according to Ashley-Ferrand.  That one would definitely be applicable to my journey right now and could not steer me wrong.

Another may be Om Purnayei Namaha, “om and salutations to She is who complete, unified, and perfect, without limitations of any kind” (Ashley-Ferrand).  I like the idea of invoking the feminine aspects of the universe.  My mom has had a great devotion to Mary of Lourdes and in invoking the feminine, that gives me a connection to my mom and her spirituality.  It also reminds me of a mentor of mine who died of breast cancer almost 20 years ago.  I like to believe that her energy is something I can connect with when I am in need.

The last idea I have right now is Shambhala.  It actually isn’t a mantra.  Shambhala is a mythical kingdom in Hindu and Tibetan where the teachings of the Buddha are said to be preserved.  It is also the name of a lineage of Buddhism founded by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche from Tibet.  It supposedly means a place of peace, tranquility, and happiness.  A student of Chogyam Trungpa is Pema Chodron who I think of as a root teacher of mine.

So, those are some ideas that I have.  What mantras do you use in your practices?  I’d love for you to share them here and tell us why you use it in your practice.  Once I decide, I’ll come back and post.

Until then, may you be at ease and be peace.

“Homage to Tara our Mother who conquers disease as its medicine”

Shakti Mantras by Thomas Ashley-Ferrand.

 

 

Compulsion

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You turn over and over

in my mind,

This way,

That way,

Your psychic somersaults.

 

I look to the East,

I look to the South,

you are there and

I am trapped.

I look to the west,

I am cornered.

Afraid to look to the North. . .

I know you are already there.

 

I try to ease my mind

and I stumble through the forest.

With the rustling of every leaf,

I hear you whispering in my ear,

calling me, haunting me.

 

I plan my attack action.

Knowing what to say,

Knowing to wear my armor,

I forget you are ahead of me

Controlling my next move.

 

I make my resolution

Vow never to take this path

as I step from the speeding train

onto the very track

where I lay tied.

 

I grow desperate

No escape appears insight

I go round and round

on this merry-go-round

dizzy and sick with fear.

2/6/99