Losing

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About all I can hear is

the sound of the white birds.

I can hear cars in the far distance

and a couple of giggling children

across the river, but all I really

hear is god.

I hear the sound of the water

being splashed by the water fowl’s wings.

But all I really hear is god.

 

I sit where we sat only two months before.

The sun shines as brightly

as it did that day and the

winds have come back to greet me,

but now gloves cover my chilled

fingers and now you are not

before me, sharing your warmth and your life!

 

The sky and the water are about

the same color blue.

And the grass though sprinted with

more fallen leaves, is still as green.

Today is thanksgiving day and I sit

upon the bench we sat on once.

 

I saw you tan and glowing

much life still circling through you

and I was filled with joy,

even knowing that soon I would sit

on this bench and write a poem or letter

to you that no postman will be able to deliver.

 

How can one young as I,

have lost so much in such a short time?

And soon,

I may lose my sister?

 

11/26/97

For:  LPG

 

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New Practice for Healing

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So in the past, I have informally used a mala (prayer beads similar to a Catholic Rosary) and would use it to count my breaths.  It has 108 beads and you use it to keep track of how many breaths you are counting.  I’ve also used mantras like Om Mani Padme Hum (the Great Mantra of Compassion) that is well-known.  I’ve also used it to keep myself on track when using gathas by Thich Nhat Hanh — see my article.

But as I was watching a movie today, I was inspired to find a mantra for healing.  The movie had nothing to do with spiritual growth or healing but there was a word that made me think it would be good to use for a mantra.

So, I did a little research to decide what I was going to start with.  I decided I’d look around for the next week unless something comes to me before that.  By then or sooner, I will start my day and end my day with a mantra.

Om Mani Padme Hum means “The jewel of Consciousness has reached the heart’s lotus” according to Thomas Ashley-Farrand.  This is the most chanted mantra in the world.  Well, things like OM, AUM, etc are probably used more often because they are powerful seeds but the great compassion mantra is a very popular mantra used in yoga, meditation, chanting, etc.  It is suggested to use this mantra when you want to united body and mind.

Om Shri Dhanvantre Namaha is at the top of my list.  It means, “Om and salutations to the Celestial Healer” according to Ashley-Ferrand.  That one would definitely be applicable to my journey right now and could not steer me wrong.

Another may be Om Purnayei Namaha, “om and salutations to She is who complete, unified, and perfect, without limitations of any kind” (Ashley-Ferrand).  I like the idea of invoking the feminine aspects of the universe.  My mom has had a great devotion to Mary of Lourdes and in invoking the feminine, that gives me a connection to my mom and her spirituality.  It also reminds me of a mentor of mine who died of breast cancer almost 20 years ago.  I like to believe that her energy is something I can connect with when I am in need.

The last idea I have right now is Shambhala.  It actually isn’t a mantra.  Shambhala is a mythical kingdom in Hindu and Tibetan where the teachings of the Buddha are said to be preserved.  It is also the name of a lineage of Buddhism founded by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche from Tibet.  It supposedly means a place of peace, tranquility, and happiness.  A student of Chogyam Trungpa is Pema Chodron who I think of as a root teacher of mine.

So, those are some ideas that I have.  What mantras do you use in your practices?  I’d love for you to share them here and tell us why you use it in your practice.  Once I decide, I’ll come back and post.

Until then, may you be at ease and be peace.

“Homage to Tara our Mother who conquers disease as its medicine”

Shakti Mantras by Thomas Ashley-Ferrand.

 

 

Shall We

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Shall we dance?

No, stand still and feel

My heart expand.

Shall we run?

No, this is the place for

Staying, breathing, and

holding space.

 

When time is unable to be

Outwitted, it is hard to

Hold unbounded space

For another

Or one’s self,

Hard, but not impossible.

 

Shall we count the stars?

No, be silent and be filled

With the luminosity and the Universe.

Shall I lay still?

How can I when your music

Sweetly saturates my core

Senses and opens me to new realms.

 

When time is unable to be

Outwitted, seconds feel like

Centuries, and just one breath

Can send the wheel spinning,

Creating lifetimes of birth and death,

Spontaneously helping us to break free.

 

Shall we die?

Yes, but not unto each other,

But rather

Into each of our new selves.

Shall we rush to love?

Yes, what else could

This life be for, other than

Cultivating loving?

 

When time is unable to be

Outwitted, there is only

Time for love.

 

1/2/04

 

 

What Do You Think?

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I read time and time again, “The Body Heals Itself”.  What do you think about that?  Do you believe that the body is wise and eventually under the right circumstances rights itself and moves back to a state of healing?

Do you believe that we are born perfect and with time, wear and tear, and age, grow less perfect and more diseased and aged?

Do you believe that we are born with potential and grow and thrive?

Are we talking about the body anymore or are we talking about the whole of human existence?

Can we be healed but not cured?  Can we be unhealthy in body but stellar in mind and spirit?

If we have an affliction of the body, are mind and spirit automatically affected?

If any part of us, mind, body, or spirit is affected, can we be whole, healthy, perfect or perfectly good?

Do certain parts of your body hold certain emotions or messages for you?

Do we hold stress or fear or other strong emotions in our body or are our bodies a reflection of our psycho-spiritual state?

I’ll be honest.  I am not sure what I believe anymore.  My training was to believe that under the right circumstances, people moved toward healing.  With support in place, a container to maintain their needs, a safe space to explore, people healed that which was ill and that it was the lack of these things that created dis-ease in their lives.  But I’m not sure.

I’ve come off a time in my life, well, a “past life” so to speak, where I saw the worst in people.  I saw everyone hustling, playing the system, you know, working it.  I saw people always taking the path of least resistance and sometimes actually running away from opportunities for growth or nurturance.  It shattered all my beliefs, all that I had come to hold true and dear.  If you’ve read other posts, you know I’m on a search and creating a new life.  Part of that new life is looking at what I believe and throwing out what doesn’t work anymore and reconnecting with truths that still hit me in my core.

So I’m asking you, what do you believe?  Are we innately wise beings that find our way to healing?  Are we created in the image of something divine and whole and no matter what we are in this world, we are whole and perfect in another world?  Do you believe that we’re dealt a hand of cards and we are nothing more than muscle, tissue, synapses?

Until the next blog post,

May you be healthy and thriving.

May you be filled with light and joy.

May you reconnect with the little things that bring you great happiness.

May you have peace of mind and be on solid ground.

May you love and be compassionate while being loved and shown great forgiveness.

May you be at ease and at peace.  

 

Powerful Prayer

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One of my favorite prayers is actually not a prayer, well, not what most of you would think was a prayer.  It’s what is called a gathas, which I learned years ago when I became a student of Thich Nhat Hanh, a wise Vietnamese Monk who has made a huge difference in my life.

The words are simple and easy to remember, as easy to remember as “Now I lay me down to sleep. . . ” that we all remember learning as children.

I have arrived

I am home

In the here and

in the now

I am solid

I am free

In the ultimate I dwell

There is a translation of the gatha in the book “I have arrived, I am home:  Celebrating Twenty Years of Plum Village Life” by Thich Nhat Hanh.  There is also some simple sheet music and if I am not mistaken, there are a number of recordings of the gatha being sung on YouTube.

But, I have no singing voice despite being in choir as a child for 5 years so I use the gatha as a chant, with or without a mala.  Gathas, like mantras, can be powerful in helping a person deal with anxiety or panic.  Like affirmations, reciting a gatha (or a mantra) helps to focus your mind, fill your mind with positive thoughts, and help snuff out negative, self-limiting, harmful, or unhealthy thoughts.  They are also helpful when dealing with pain or disease like cancer (or coping with treatment).

This prayer reminds me of so many things.  First and foremost, I’m whole and right just as I am.  Every present moment is perfect and for a reason.  I haven’t always believed that but I think I do again.  If I don’t believe it, it is a belief I want to have.  If not, what’s the purpose?  I tried to be an existentialist and all I found is a lot of angst.  Instead, I choose to see the world from this point of view and believe there is meaning and purpose in the way things are.

When I was first introduced to this prayer, I cried and cried as I recited it because I felt so far from home.  I had moved away from my home state and felt like a stranger in a strange land.  I longed for the sun and seashore and felt so land-locked in the horridly flat and scorched plains I found myself living in.

But then I realized that it wasn’t about my home, my birthplace, and the millions of street corners and houses or sea shells I had left behind.  It wasn’t even about the people who I had loved when I lived there and the souls who had left me before I left.  It was about me and that I could be at home with myself, in myself, and that I could find solid footing anywhere my seat was.

And over time and because of circumstances, my chronic pain and other things I’ve written about in other posts, I got away from the practice of either chanting this gathas or taking time throughout the year to write about what this gatha means to me.  And that’s the great thing about gathas. . . each time you sit with them, well, over time, they come to mean different things.  They seem to unleash their wisdom in the moment, where you are in your life.  They are kind of like tarot cards in that they give you something to think about, something to reflect on and in return, they act as a mirror for what your interior experience is at any given time.

So I invite you, to sit with paper and pen, on your favorite chair or meditation cushion, in your car before you walk in from your day at work or when you take your lunch down to the river. . . and allow these words to fall over you like a warm mist.  Let them sink into your pores like a thick rich moisturizer and let your body and soul drink in the nourishment.  Allow the words to take their time and do their job.  There is no right or wrong way for you to relate to the words and perhaps they mean little to you, though, if you are reading this blog, even by chance, I know that the words will hold a special magic or a message for your soul.

Please share your thoughts, feelings, or comments about this gathas or share other prayers or sayings that touch you and give you pause to reflect.

Until the next time,

May your pen and paper be the vehicles for great freedom.  May your soul feel nurtured and cared for.  

May you have time in your busy-ness to reflect and ponder.  

May you remember to raise your eyes from your computer or phone screen and see what’s in front of you with soft eyes.   

May you be at ease and free from suffering.  

May you be surrounded in light and warmth or any other conditions that soothe your spirit.

May you be at peace or any other state that is congruent to your healing.

 

This Time

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The magic of the circle. . .

Never born, never dies

The magic of the night

Calls out the spell

To being me home and to

Bring me out of myself.

 

I hold your hand as I have

For a thousand life times,

And you lead me into the

Realm of the deepest Unknown,

As time and space dissolve

Into our very cell memory.

 

But this journey is different

As never before, and never again.

Enchantment is but a fleeting moment

Not a lifetime’s art and craft.

 

We have made an oath to seek each other

Until time no longer is.

This dance between spirits has

Been altered by the elements, the wind, and the sea.

 

Instead of intermingling, entwining,

Dancing like fire fairies

Free and unencumbered

We walk mindfully

Step in front of step

Parallel and similar and yet secluded

Toward the same goal.

 

Our closeness is distant.

The spin of the wheel, the Infinite Circle of All,

And things are altered so quickly.

Birth and death are but one fleeting moment

And will not be changed,

awaiting the next round to begin.

 

Only one choice and

Heaven and Earth revolve until

Sense cannot be found and logic is but like the mist

On the dawn’s eve.

 

Prayers upon a flame

Seem to fly off into the night sky

Never to be heard by man,

But only by the gods.

9/4/04

 

 

Holding

Since my doctor took me off of a medication I’ve been on for the past 20 years, one that I feel like has contributed to a lot of pain I’ve experienced, I have found new insights and had a shift in my body awareness.

I don’t have the same level of chronically tightened muscles. In the past, I’ve had horrible muscle tension in my traps, shoulders, upper neck, jaw, temples, and occipital area. My muscles feel more pliable and relaxed unless I am having an issue with a migraine. Then my body tightens up but seems to better relax when I have the occasional day without pain. And I still have referred pain and trigger points but again, they don’t seem to be as intense all the time.

What I have become aware of is what I refer to as holding. I may be laying in bed, “relaxing” and find that I’ve braved my body. I may have my jaw clenched or have a part of my body stiffened. I can be laying there and realize that if I take a deep breath and exhale, I can sink into the bed or the pillows more fully.

I find I am more aware of this absent-minded behavior at a variety of times. I may be sitting at the kitchen table watching the birds. Or I may be laying on my yoga mat, sitting on the couch crocheting, etc. I’m not sure what originally caused me to do this — I’ve injured my spine several times, have been in several car accidents, and had some sort of chronic pain on and off for 30 years. Perhaps at first it was a positive adaptation? But it has long since lost its effectiveness and is contributing to my overall pain and suffering.

I find that simple breath work and I asking to myself, once I become aware of the tension seems to help. But I always try to change the situation in a mindful, thoughtful way so that I train my body that it’s overkill or exaggerated or unnecessary.

So, scan your body right now. Simply allow your mind to become aware of how your body feels starting with your head. Move this awareness down to your neck, shoulders, upper back, arms, etc. Do you feel any excessive “holding”, bracing, tightness, or do you even feel like you are holding your breath? If so, simply say to yourself “relax”, breath in, and consciously release the muscles and allow them to loosen up. Scan different parts of your body, initially scan large areas first. As you get comfortable with the practice, let your mindfulness get more specific. Over time, you will find you don’t even have to scan as much or you will see a pattern of where you chronically hold yourself and start there.

I dedicate the benefits of this new awareness to all those who are in pain and who are suffering. May the awareness that I have found be helpful to anyone suffering with chronic or acute pain.

After you have tried the exercise a time or two, please drop a note and let me know how it goes. Feel free to share any insight, changes, or experiences you have.

May you be free from suffering and the roots of suffering. May you be at ease and find comfort.